


Cross-Check

by paradisedise



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Hockey, Alternate Universe - Sports, Angst, Drama, M/M, Rimming, Smut, Sort Of, dumb beefhead johnny aka my favorite johnny, lol, sue me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2019-02-11 23:51:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12946752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paradisedise/pseuds/paradisedise
Summary: Red and orange leaves signify that winter is soon to come, but for Johnny it means that hockey season (the best season) is just around the corner.  He’s a senior, already unanimously declared captain by the team and coach, ready to lead the team to the division title. However, the first practice of the year is full of unpleasant surprises.





	Cross-Check

**Author's Note:**

  * For [duckhyuck](https://archiveofourown.org/users/duckhyuck/gifts).



> this again is for my absolute baby angel child love of my life Key who asked for a Johnil hockey au and who am i to deny them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALSO listen like i named it cross check for no reason i know that doesnt make any sense but i felt awkward naming it "two minutes for roughing" . also someone make me proofread this later

Red and orange leaves signify that winter is soon to come, but for Johnny it means that hockey season (the best season) is just around the corner. He’s a senior, already unanimously declared captain by the team and coach, ready to lead the team to the division title. It _will_ happen this year, it has to, because Johnny only has one more year until he graduates and enters the real world. They were runner up last year and Johnny could never forget the disappointment, the empty feeling when that final buzzer rang and he had to watch the opposing team huddle on the ice, all smiling like it was the happiest they had ever been. 

This year would be different, it had to be. 

The first practice of the year is filled with unpleasant surprises. As a senior captain, Johnny is part of the starting lineup for every game. Him and Yuta were defensemen and Jaehyun, Ten, and a freshman named Donghyuck were projected to be the starting forwards. Completely unaware of what was to come, Johnny gets dressed and laces up his skates, heading out onto the ice. Players followed soon after but Johnny wasn’t paying attention, too excited for practice to start. 

The coach comes out onto the ice and Johnny can see someone limping in on crutches from the concourse. His jaw drops when he sees who it is. 

“So, since you guys are a bunch of dumbass college students, I should have expected one of you would do something stupid,” the coach says, clearly displeased. “Nakamoto here jumped off the roof of his frat and broke his foot, so he’s out for the season.” 

“I was drunk, it wasn’t my fault!” Yuta calls from the bench. 

Who the fuck is Johnny supposed to play with now? Yuta had been his linemate since freshman year. They worked together almost perfectly, like they were telepathic. They weren’t named the best defensive pair in the division for no reason. 

“Luckily,” the coach continues, “a new student transferred to our school this year and he happened to play on the team at his old university. I heard he was transferring in and reached out, even before I knew Nakamoto was going to do something idiotic. He’s a teammate just as much as everyone else, so treat him like one. Taeil, come out and introduce yourself.” 

A small figure skated out from the back of the group, going to stand next to the coach. He took his helmet off and Johnny held his breath--he didn’t expect him to be that pretty. “My name is Moon Taeil, I’m a defenseman. I’m happy to be playing with you guys.” 

A defenseman, fuck, what a joke, Johnny thinks. Taeil couldn’t be more than 5’ 7’’, he isn’t built to be a defenseman. Johnny prays that one of the second stringers would move up so he won’t have to be on the same line as him. 

“Alright guys, let’s get started,” Coach’s booming voice sounded through the arena. He skates over to Johnny’s side and leaned in close to him. “He’ll be first string with you,” he says, Johnny starting to protest. “Shut your mouth. He’s good, just give him a chance.” 

After some mundane warmups Johnny’s least favorite drill starts--2 on 1s. It was never his strength when he had to defend by himself, he works best on the line with someone else and he wasn’t the fastest on the ice. He’s up against Donghyuck and another freshman forward, Jeno, with Sicheng backing him up in goal. Donghyuck is good, a capable skater with decent stickhandling and Johnny is impressed with how confidently he comes towards the goal. 

Donghyuck passes to Jeno and Johnny forces him into a corner, ending the play. He skates to the other side of the ice and watches the next group get ready--Taeil taking on Jaehyun and Ten. This is going to be interesting, Johnny thinks, Ten is debatably the most skilled player on the team and Jaehyun is nobody to laugh at either. Taeil doesn’t seem phased when the duo starts skating, Jaehyun passing to Ten. Ten is getting ready to fake Taeil out, Johnny can tell, and now Taeil is playing a dangerous game. Johnny can’t even defend against Ten’s moves. 

Ten does something fancy, trying to confuse Taeil but he doesn’t fall for it, instead stealing the puck away like it was nothing, clearing it down the ice. Johnny is dumbfounded, jaw hitting the floor. Ten and Jaehyun clearly are too, staring for a moment before skating to join the rest of the team and letting the next group go. 

Later in the drill, Johnny and Taeil are paired up against a freshman defensemen Renjun. Johnny starts with the puck and before he can blink Taeil is speeding down the ice, heading deep in the offensive zone looking for a pass. Before he can think about it too much Johnny passes to him, too fast for Renjun to intercept. Taeil gains control of the puck quickly and scores top shelf. 

“Good one,” Johnny says as Taeil skates up next to him. “You’re fast.” 

“Thanks, it was a good pass.” Taeil replies, and Johnny face heats up as he watches as the rest of the team compliments him as well. He regrets not taking him seriously before. 

~~~

Johnny attempts his homework in an empty cafeteria late at night. Their first game is coming up soon and school is starting to pick up, so Johnny is in a constant state of worry. All he wants is to go get a fucking cookie from the buffet, but he knows he shouldn’t, considering the team’s diet plan. 

Someone’s voice scares him out of his thoughts. He turns around and it’s Taeil. Johnny had been watching him at practice and doing his best to work with him, considering they were on the same line. They play well together, but something is off. The vibe between them is weird and Johnny can’t quite pin down exactly what it is. 

“Hi, Johnny,” Taeil says in a small voice. “Do you mind if I sit down?” 

Johnny gestures to the chair across from him noncommittally and Taeil sits down. Johnny continues reading his textbook and taking notes, not really in the mood to socialize. “I grabbed two cookies by accident, do you want one?” Taeil asks. 

He stops writing, looking up at the man sitting in front of him. What a coincidence, considering how he had wanted a cookie just a few minutes ago. “What about our diet?” He’s obligated to ask as the captain. 

“One cookie is fine, right?” 

Johnny can’t bear to say no, not with that warm gooey goodness calling to him. He smiles hesitantly at Taeil and the smaller hands him the cookie. Johnny takes a bite and closes his eyes--the look on his face is probably ridiculous but he needs to savor this delicious moment. School has already gotten unbelievably stressful. 

“Good?” Taeil asks, and Johnny looks at him. He feels warm when he sees Taeil grinning at him, cheeks round. He has a pretty smile, Johnny thinks, and he’s not sure if he’s imagining the pink tinge of his skin. His lips spread perfectly across his face and Johnny struggles to breathe. “So what are you working on right now?” 

Oh, right. Johnny was supposed to be doing homework. “Um, finance homework. It’s my major.” 

“Mine is biology,” Taeil says, “so I’m going to med school next year.” 

“Wow, really? Most guys on the team are majoring in philosophy, or something like that.” 

Taeil chuckles. “I guess I’m probably not the average guy on the team, then.” 

Johnny looks at him for a moment, not letting himself think too hard about what Taeil just said. “Why did you transfer here?” he asks. Johnny knows he’s being short with him, which is terrible to do as a teammate especially since he’s captain, but he can’t help it and he doesn’t know why. 

“Oh, well I knew that this school had a better biology program and it would be better to graduate from here instead of my old school. It’s not like the team was that important to me there either.”

“Do you not take hockey seriously?” Johnny asks, prickly. Why would Taeil play hockey if he didn’t care? “There are a lot of people who would love your spot on the team, so if you don’t care I don’t think you should play.” 

“No, no, that’s not what I mean at all,” Taeil looks panicked. “I just meant that I didn’t get along very well with the other guys and I wasn’t very happy playing there.” 

“Why didn’t you get along with the guys?” Johnny asks before reeling back for a second, feeling like he shouldn’t be prying like this. “I mean, I’m sorry you didn’t like playing before. Most of the guys on our team are cool, you shouldn’t have any problems.”

“We just had our differences, I think.” 

Johnny lays awake that night for longer than he wants to admit, wondering what he meant by that. 

~~~

There’s a team dinner at coach’s house the night before their first game and Johnny just wants to go home, he has an exam tomorrow and he wants to study and go to sleep. He’s quiet at the table as the rest of the team are chatting. Yuta is trying to get Sicheng to sign his cast and Jaehyun has Donghyuck in a headlock. Johnny gets up to get a drink from the kitchen, overwhelmed by everyone else. 

He grabs a cup from the cabinet and fills it from the sink, leaning back against the counter. In an effort to calm down he takes a deep breath and looks up at the ceiling, staring at a bug that’s making its way across. Johnny hears another pair of footsteps walking on the tiled floor.

“You okay?” 

It’s Taeil’s voice asking and Johnny doesn’t know how to feel. He might as well be honest, he figures. “I guess so. I’m just overwhelmed, I guess. School and everything.”

“Yeah, it’s a lot of pressure I’m sure,” Taeil says, leaning right next to Johnny. “You’re a senior and the captain, it’s probably stressful.” 

Johnny opens his mouth to say something but doesn’t, not at first. Practice earlier in the day had gone well. For the defensive drills him and Taeil were paired together since they needed to practice for the game. In the past, Johnny and Yuta worked well together, they really did, but of course sometimes things were off with them. 

Taeil filled in all the gaps that Yuta left behind. Where Yuta may have not timed a pass perfectly, Taeil did. Yuta lost control of the puck sometimes when receiving a pass from Johnny, but Taeil never did. So far it seemed like Johnny and Taeil played perfectly together, but he was still so uncomfortable with him. 

Looking down at Taeil, Johnny notices how small he truly is. He’s clearly strong, muscles strong after hours and hours of practice, but he’s still small. His hands gripping the counter are so much smaller than Johnny’s, his shoulders less broad, and his hips slimmer. His thighs though, were thick and built and Johnny caught himself admiring how he looked in those jeans. He tore his eyes away though, before he lets himself look too long. 

“You’re also a senior, right?” Johnny asks, struggling to make eye contact. “I’m sure it's hard for you too.” 

“It is, but we’re in it together though, right? Other than Yuta, we’re the only other seniors on the team.” 

“Yeah, I guess we are.” 

Johnny’s heart stops when Taeil rests a hand on top of his, interlocking their fingers. 

The next day is the first game of the year, and Johnny is nervous while he stands for the national anthem. The starting lineup is exactly what he thought it would be, sans Yuta. The song is over and they get in formation for the faceoff. Johnny looks over to see Taeil on the opposite side of the ice. He spaces out a little until he hears sticks slapping against the ice and fuck, the game is starting.

Other than his absent mindedness at the beginning, the first and second periods go well. Johnny blocks a shot and gets a good hit on the opponent’s left wing. He’s confident on the ice like normal and it feels good. Ten and Jaehyun both get a good amount of shots on goal and Donghyuck scores his first goal, as well as the first goal of the season. They’re up by one going into the third period. 

Tension is high because the two teams are evenly matched but Taeil doesn’t seem phased at all, Johnny notices. It’s admirable, honestly, how calm Taeil seems. Johnny is always on edge by the third period if the score is close. 

Johnny is hanging around on the blueline in the attacking zone as he watches the play down around the opponent’s goal. Taeil is closer to the goal, involved with the forwards and Johnny decides to stay back just to safe. The offensive line is a bunch of freshmen and Johnny should be paying attention in case the play gets away from them but he finds himself spacing out again, like in the beginning. 

He’s forced out of his daze when he notices movement beside him and fuck, it’s the opponent’s center is making a breakaway, skating down the ice as everyone else chases after him. The center is good, a quick skater with even quicker hands and nobody can catch him. Sicheng has absolutely no chance when he fakes him out and scores. 

Now it’s tied and there’s hardly any time left and Johnny is kicking himself for being so stupid. He skates off for a line change and the coach gives him a look but he can’t make eye contact, he knows he fucked up. Why couldn’t he just be playing his best, especially during the first game of the season? 

There’s a minute left and it looks like the game is going into overtime. The game is getting more physical and tempers are rising as fights threaten to break out. Johnny just wants the game to be over, just wants to either win or lose, because all he wants to do is go home and sleep. The clock goes down to thirty seconds and Jaehyun passes the puck out to him. He hesitates for a second, wondering who he should pass to or if he should shoot. The opposite defenders are coming towards him and he hears a voice calling for the puck.

It’s Taeil, looking for a pass, and Johnny sends it over before he can question himself. Taeil winds up for a slapshot and Johnny delayedly realizes that Taeil must have seen an opening. The smaller’s shot is surprisingly hard and the angle is dead on--

The lamp behind the goal lights as Taeil’s shot whizzes past the goalie, no way for him to block it. Johnny is stunned for a second as his teammates huddle and he skates over after he realizes, all of them hitting him on the helmet affectionately. After a few more moments the buzzer rings and the game is over.

The team piles into the locker room, cheering, and Johnny follows along. After the post-game chat the coach pulls Johnny aside.

“Is everything alright? You seemed a little distracted out there,” he asks, a hand on Johnny’s shoulder. 

“Yeah, sorry, I’ll do better next time coach.” The words don’t feel genuine coming out of his mouth. The coach looks skeptical but lets him go and he flops down onto the bench, feeling like he needs to sit down. Johnny watches the rest of the team head to the showers and he just sits, not really thinking about anything. 

It’s probably twenty minutes later when he gets up, knowing he needs to get home and prepare for his exam tomorrow. The locker room is quiet, already cleared out. His waist is wrapped in a towel as he pads down the hall to the stalls, not paying attention. He rounds the corner and bumps into a very wet, very naked Taeil. The smaller almost slips and he steadies himself, gripping Johnny’s biceps so he doesn’t fall. 

“God, fuck, I’m sorry,” Johnny mutters, looking anywhere but Taeil. Johnny knows his face must be beet red, and he doesn’t feel Taeil letting go. 

“It’s okay, are you alright?” Taeil asks. Johnny finally looks at him and again he looks so small, especially so close like this. He can feel his breath on his chest and Taeil’s hands slip down Johnny’s arms and to his sides. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine, are you?” 

“Yeah,” Taeil answers. “Listen, are you okay? It might just be me but I feel like you were a little off during some of the game.”

Johnny can’t do this, not with Taeil’s naked body so close to him. Normally this is fine, he talks with the guys in the locker room all the time and its not weird but for some reason he can’t breathe. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine, I’m sorry,” Johnny stutters, pushing past Taeil, needing to get out of the situation. 

~~~

The last game before winter break was a hard loss, the opponent had a particularly sharp winger that scored the wrap around game winner just seconds before the buzzer. Johnny should have been there, should have seen that coming. He’s a defenseman, that’s his job and he couldn’t do it right. Johnny did what he normally does after a hard loss, goes to the gym and sweats it off. His teammates constantly chide him for it, saying he’s going to hurt himself, but they have a break coming up and Johnny needs to blow off some steam. 

The weight room is eerily empty, all of others gone home for the holiday already. Good, Johnny thinks, some peace and quiet and all of the weights free. He puts in his headphones and chooses a playlist, something loud and angry that blocks out all other possible thoughts. His body is already aching from the game but he needs this release, this superficial catharsis that working out gives him. 

After squats he benches, finishing up with deadlifts. His body is thrumming, thoroughly exhausted. He was going to go home, eat his whole kitchen, and go to sleep. Tomorrow would be better. Sweaty and disgusting, Johnny drags himself to the locker room to shower, distracted by something on his phone. He didn’t expect to run into robed Taeil, nearly knocking him over. 

“God, fuck, sorry,” Johnny mutters, steadying Taeil’s shoulders and taking out his headphones. “You scared the shit out of me. What are you doing here? Why aren’t you headed home?” 

“I’m a transfer, remember? My family is too far away for it to be worth going home.” 

“Oh,” Johnny breathes. He’s not sure if his heart is pounding because of the workout or because Taeil’s chest is nearly pressed to his. He’s breathless, Taeil is so close and the room is too small. “Were you going to go workout?” 

“Actually, I’m headed to the sauna,” Taeil replies. “Do you want to come with me?” 

Johnny ends up in the sauna, grabbing a robe and following Taeil in. The smaller plops down, relaxing immediately and leaning against the wall. The loose robe slips off his shoulders slightly, and Johnny can’t help but stare for a moment before sitting down a few feet from him. They’re silent for a moment. 

“I’ve never been in a sauna before,” Johnny says, desperate to break the tension. 

“Really? They’re my favorite, nothing helps me relax more than sweating it out.” 

Johnny’s cheeks flush. Why was he acting like a teenager with a crush? His eyes linger on Taeil’s form, looking at the definition of his shoulders, the way sweat was starting to bead on his temples, how he slicked his hair back with calloused hands. Johnny doesn’t know how long he looks at him, letting his mind wander to places he hadn’t let it go before. How pretty would Taeil look blushing? How heavenly would he sound pressed into a mattress, against a wall, in the-

“You’re staring, Johnny,” Taeil deadpans, turning to Johnny slightly, the collar of his robe slipping off even more. “Is something wrong?” 

Johnny panics. “No, nothing’s wrong, I’m just, you’re just-”

“I’m just what?” He scooches even closer. 

 

Johnny can’t think straight, his thoughts are buzzing around in his head and he’s overwhelmed, especially with Taeil moving closer to him by the moment. “I’m sorry, you’re just, and I want...” he trails off. Sweat is dripping down his neck. 

“You want what?”

“You, I want you, I think-” 

Taeil kisses him with fervent intensity, swinging a leg over Johnny’s hip and straddling his lap. He pushes the larger against the wall of the sauna, fingers digging into Johnny’s shoulders. Johnny can’t breathe, everything he had been thinking about but not letting himself want was manifesting in the form of Taeil’s small, strong body. He tentatively brings hands to Taeil’s waist and the other moans, pressing closer to him. It’s hot, uncomfortably hot, but that’s the last thing on Johnny’s mind. 

“I’ve wanted this for so long, Johnny,” Taeil whispers against his lips before kissing him again, licking at Johnny’s lips. Johnny shudders, his body thrumming and gut twisting and he tightens the grip on Taeil’s skin, slick from perspiration. “How long have you wanted me, Johnny, how many times have you thought about this?” 

“God, fuck, Taeil,” Johnny rasps, unable to think straight, “a long time, think.” They kiss again but this time Taeil is pushing Johnny down onto his back, spine against the unforgiving wood of the bench. Taeil slides his hands down to the knot of Johnny’s robe, looking at him with pleading eyes. 

“Can I?” 

Johnny can only nod, squeezing his eyes shut. This was too much, he couldn’t take it, and he sure as hell couldn’t handle what was to come. He feels the fabric fall from his body and he knows he’s on display, clearly aching for relief. Taeil’s lips fall onto the sensitive skin of Johnny’s inner thigh and the taller’s eyes snap open, knowing it would be a sin not to watch what Taeil was about to do. 

His lips travel closer to the very top of Johnny’s thigh, dangerously close to his balls. Johnny nearly loses his mind when Taeil instead turns south, licking right below his crotch as he brings a hand up to start stroking Johnny’s length. Johnny has had his fair share of hookups, but he can’t remember ever being this turned on. 

Taeil grabs his leg and throws it over his shoulder and Johnny can feel hot breath against his hole, desperate for touch. The smaller presses a hesitant tongue against his entrance and Johnny shudders. He had never been eaten out before, but he supposed now was as good a time as ever to try it for the first time. 

It’s a completely foreign sensation to Johnny, but it makes his mind fuzzy and he likes it. It’s too intimate, Taeil is too close but he loves it anyway and he brings his hands to Taeil’s hair. Taeil’s hand is still moving up and down Johnny’s cock, thumb digging into the slit and smearing precum over the tip. The friction is so good but not nearly enough and the air is thick around them, Johnny struggling to catch his breath. 

Taeil’s tongue goes inside Johnny and he breaks, a whine tearing from his throat. He needs more, now. 

“Taeil, Taeil, stop,” he breathes, chest moving rapidly. Taeil stops dead, wide, worried eyes looking at him. 

“I’m sorry, Johnny, was that too much?” 

“No, no, it was amazing, it’s just,” he stumbles over his words, trying to wrap his head around what he was about to say. “I want more, I want-- can I fuck you?” 

Taeil crawls up Johnny’s body, trailing fingers over a sculpted torso and pinching a nipple on his way up. He kisses Johnny, not wasting any time and slipping his tongue in right away. Johnny can taste himself and it’s so dirty but it makes his cock throb. “God, yes, fuck me please,” Taeil shudders, biting down on Johnny’s bottom lip. “There’s lube in my bag.” 

Johnny scurries over to the forgotten duffle bag and digs around until he finds a small bottle, not letting himself wonder why Taeil would have that in his bag. When he turns around Taeil is on his hands and knees with his robe on the floor and Johnny’s jaw drops. His ass is perfect, smooth, and solid from years of training. Johnny wants to ruin it. 

He warms some lube up on his fingers and grips Taeil’s hips with other hand. Slick fingers find their way to Taeil’s entrance and circles around it, Taeil’s thighs trembling. “Is this okay?” 

“God, yes, hurry up,” Taeil begs, scooching back. Johnny plunges a finger in and Taeil’s fingernails dig into the bench. Johnny watches his sweat drip off while he starts to move the finger in and out of Taeil, savoring the way it disappears into that tight heat. He can hear Taeil’s ragged breaths, already wrecked. 

Johnny slips in another finger and the stretch is even better for Taeil, his legs shaking even more violently. It felt like Johnny was fingering him for excruciatingly long and he wanted to sink into him already, but Taeil had to be thoroughly prepared--he didn’t want to risk hurting him. “Another, Johnny, quickly.” 

He obliged, three fingers deep inside Taeil now, the smaller helpless under Johnny’s touch. Taeil reaches a hand up to stroke himself but Johnny swats it away and Taeil whines. “Wait until I’m inside you,” Johnny hisses, a strange feeling of possessiveness coming over him. He slicks up his cock with lube and presses it to Taeil’s opening, slipping just the tip inside. Taeil is moaning breathily beneath him and he turns to look at Johnny, eyes wet and cheeks red. 

“How bad do you want it, Taeil?” 

“So fucking bad, just fuck me already, please.” 

And so Johnny does, pushing in all the way to the hilt and shuddering, Taeil tightening around him. He’s so tight and its blisteringly hot, Johnny feels the perspiration dripping down his chest but he doesn’t care, not with this dangerously pleasurable heat surrounding him. He pulls out slowly before thrusting in again and watches Taeil scramble to hold onto the bench, his cheek pressed to the seat. His eyes are shut and he’s different from before, submissive and pliant. 

He starts to fuck into him with an unforgiving pace and intensity, and Taeil is squirming underneath him. Johnny can’t breathe but it’s worth it because he feels so alive, like every nerve in his body is on fire, and it hits him how surreal the situation is. He’s fucking Taeil, fucking Moon Taeil, his teammate who he had been lusting over for the past few months. Not only is he fucking Taeil but he’s driving him crazy, if the helpless moans and hips pushing back against his thrusts are any indication. 

“Johnny, I want to cum,” Taeil begs, looking back at him. The taller moans and pulls Taeil up and flush against his chest, their skin wet and scalding but its so fucking arousing that Johnny can’t stand it. He wraps a hand around Taeil’s length, stroking it erratically and Taeil loses it, throwing his head back against Johnny’s shoulder and moaning with every thrust. “God, Johnny, I’m so close, please don’t stop.” 

Johnny fucks into him faster, his own orgasm quickly approaching. Taeil cums first with an overwhelming intensity, clenching agonizingly around Johnny, cum dripping onto the bench. Johnny follows soon after and his climax hits hard, pleasure ripping itself out of his body, Taeil taking all of it with a low, breathy noise. 

Taeil falls forward when Johnny releases him and he turns around, collapsing down onto the seat on his back. Johnny lays on top of him, kissing the crook of his neck and gripping his hips, unable to catch his breath from the heat. They lay there for a moment before Johnny props himself up and looks at Taeil in his fucked out glory, so astonishingly beautiful. 

“Sorry if this is a bad time, but I think I really like you,” Taeil says, voice soft. Johnny’s stomach flips.

“That’s good because I think I really like you too.” 

A drop of sweat drips from Johnny’s mussed hair onto Taeil’s face and the smaller wipes it off, making a disgusted face. Johnny smiles, finding the ridiculousness of it amusing. He giggles until Taeil can’t help but laugh too, and Johnny kisses him some more. 

~~~

Johnny asks Taeil to meet him after his lecture on a Friday. The holiday break was over and the team was back in full swing, Johnny’s body sore after getting back to working out after not doing so for a while. He’s as strong as ever but his head is all over the place and he’s unable to focus during class. He’s happy it’s almost the weekend, a day where he can relax and hopefully get his shit in line. 

“How was class?” Taeil asks him outside of the lecture hall. Since that night in the locker room they had been hanging out more and the atmosphere between them was finally normal. They had been walking on eggshells around each other for so long, nobody wanting to address the tension between them, but all that was broken a few weeks prior. 

“I couldn’t really focus and I’m a little worried for this exam coming up,” Johnny says, exhaling, relaxing a little around Taeil. “Can we go back to my place? I’m exhausted.” 

“Sure, Johnny.” 

They end up on Johnny’s couch, the taller of the two laying with his head in Taeil’s lap. Taeil is running fingers through Johnny’s black hair, pushing it away from his face, but Johnny’s body still feels on edge. 

“Did you not get enough sleep last night?” Taeil asks, looking down at Johnny. 

“No, I did, I don’t know what my problem is lately,” Johnny says, “I played like shit last game and we’re already almost to the playoffs.” He digs the heels of his hand into his eyes. “I don’t know what to do.” 

“Do you know what you’re going to do after graduation?” Taeil asks after a moment, scratching lightly at Johnny’s scalp. 

 

“Don’t even bring it up,” he groans, rolling over onto his side. “I can’t even think about that right now.” 

In reality, Johnny has hardly thought about it at all. Graduation was never the goal, instead it was more something he dreaded. When he was younger, it was all about making the best travel team, when he played travel it was all about starting and becoming captain, and once he was captain it was all about getting recruited by a university. Now that university is coming to a close, he isn’t sure there’s a next step. 

“What about you?” Johnny asks, not wanting to talk about himself anymore. The way Taeil is looking at Johnny makes the latter feel uncomfortable, too vulnerable. “You’re graduating in the spring too.” 

“I’ve started applying for jobs but I haven’t heard anything,” Taeil murmurs, “but I think it’ll be fine. Right now I’m just focusing on the team.” 

They lay in silence for awhile, Johnny feeling like he could fall asleep. They had practice in a couple hours though and it would be painful to get himself up from a nap later. “Want me to give you a massage?” 

Johnny smiles and gets up, pulling Taeil into his room, taking off his shirt, and laying face down on the bed. “There’s lotion on the dresser,” he says muffled into the pillow and he hears Taeil laugh before a weight settles on the bed, knees on either side of his hips. 

Taeil’s fingers go to work and Johnny tenses up, the pressure almost too much. Taeil presses a kiss to the back of his neck. “Relax, it’s alright,” he whispers in the larger’s ear. Johnny shudders and complies, willing his muscles to unflex. Taeil leans his weight onto his hands, rubbing slow circles into Johnny’s upper back and in between his shoulder blades.

The painful tension starts to bleed from his body as Taeil’s hands work lower, massaging his middle and lower back before moving back up to his neck. Johnny thinks about how bad he needed this after another rough game a few days before. He had been beating himself up about it, scrutinizing every single play he made in his head. If he had done this better, played more physically, led the team better, maybe they would have won. While hockey is a team sport, he’s the captain, so a lot of the blame is on him. 

His muscles are thoroughly worked out, his sinewy back at ease, and he feels like he can finally breathe again. Taeil moves and lays down next to him and Johnny rolls onto his side so they’re face to face. “Thank you, Taeil,” Johnny exhales, really meaning it.

“Of course,” Taeil murmurs, reaching up to touch Johnny’s cheek. “I know you needed it.”

Taeil looks so pretty, he’s a little flushed from the exertion and his pink lips are slightly parted, shadows from the window falling stunningly on his face. “Let me repay you,” Johnny says, getting up and pushing Taeil onto his back. “I wanna suck you off.” 

“I won’t say no to that,” Taeil chuckles before Johnny starts undoing his pants. Hopefully they won’t be late for practice. 

~~~

Things were going okay until this fucking game, this stupid fucking game where Johnny had to be distracted in the end of the third period. It was tied with two minutes left and there was a freshman defender on the ice with him. The lines were messed up from a few too many long shifts and he didn’t know how to play with this kid. He felt his mind wander somewhere else, an anxious, stupid place that didn’t have anything to do with the game. 

He wasn’t paying attention and some shit winger from the opposite team scored the game winner, a shot that was impossible for Sicheng to block. 

Johnny was in the locker room fuming after the game, blaming himself, clenching his jaw so hard his head hurt. So fucking stupid, he was so fucking stupid and useless, how were they going to make the finals at this rate if the team’s fucking captain was playing like shit? Johnny tears off his helmet and throws it at the ground in a blind rage, the plastic cracking with a terrible sound against the concrete floor. 

Twenty something pairs of eyes all turn to him and Johnny feels his face burn, now he’s really done. He can feel the coach’s stare burning into him and Johnny can imagine the stern look on his face, the way his mouth is drawn to a hard line. He undresses, sulking off to the showers and he can hear someone trailing after him. 

“Johnny, hold on,” Taeil says, grasping Johnny’s hand. He rips it away, head snapping back to look at the smaller. “What was that all about?” 

He can’t breathe, can’t even think straight, and he can feel vestiges of frustration starting to prick at his eyes. “I just-” Johnny starts, unable to get words out. “I can’t talk about it right now,” he snaps.

Taeil looks taken aback, almost scared, and Johnny feels guilt overwhelm him immediately. He looks down before Taeil can see the tears threatening to spill over. “Okay, I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be like this, I just really don’t think I can talk about it right now.” 

He hangs his head and goes into a stall and Taeil watches him go. 

The awkward tension between them comes back immediately and Johnny hates it, hates himself for making it weird again. Taeil avoids him, giving him a pained smile when they make eye contact in the locker room. Johnny invites him for coffee a few times and that makes it a little better, but he misses the ease they used to have for those glorious few weeks. 

Johnny catches him after practice one day, all washed up and looking pretty with his wet hair pushed back from his forehead. “Hi,” he says, cringing at the way his voice wavers. “Can we hang out?” 

Taeil opens his mouth and then closes it again. “Okay, we can hang out,” he says, a guarded look on his face. Johnny breathes a sigh of relief. 

Some straight-to-DVD movie is playing on Johnny’s TV, and the two of them are sitting an uncomfortable distance apart. It’s painfully awkward and Johnny hates it, but he doesn’t want to cross a line, Taeil needs to be the one to make the first move. 

“Can we talk about this?” Taeil asks quietly, and Johnny knows he means his outburst after the last game. “I need to know what is up with you.” 

“Yeah, we can,” Johnny says, grabbing the remote and pausing the movie. “I guess I’ll first say that I’m really sorry, it really shouldn’t have happened, and I really shouldn’t have snapped at you like that.” 

“No you shouldn’t have,” Taeil confirms, voice soft. Johnny’s chest aches with a confusing mix of lovesickness, frustration, and self-loathing. He feels nauseous. “Why did you get so angry after the game?” 

Johnny sinks further into the cushions, staring at the ceiling. “Because I let that last goal in, I should have been there but my head wasn’t in the game. I don’t know where my head has been at all lately. I should be playing better, I’m a starting defenseman and the captain. There’s a lot of responsibility.” 

Taeil scoots closer to Johnny and rests a gentle hand on Johnny’s leg. He’s caught off guard, not really expecting that Taeil would come any closer tonight. Johnny looks down at it, noting the way Taeil’s hand is smaller than his. 

“Listen, Johnny,” Taeil murmurs, leaning his head on Johnny’s shoulder. “We’re a team. There are five people on the ice at all times, plus the goalie. It’s not just you out there.”

“But-”

“Let me finish. Maybe we would have won if you had played better at the end there, but I was on the ice for their first goal and maybe we would have won if they hadn’t scored then. Maybe we would have won if Jaehyun, or Ten, or Donghyuck, played better offense and scored more.

“It’s not all about you, Johnny. You’re the captain, yes, but you’re not doing this alone.” 

Uncertainty bubbles in Johnny’s stomach and a little part of him can’t help but feel like Taeil is just sugar-coating the situation. He doesn’t want to push it though, doesn’t want to fight with Taeil anymore, so he leans into his touch instead. “If you say so,” he replies, but there’s a sliver of doubt in his voice. 

~~~

“Guys, we really gotta win tonight,” Jaehyun announces as everyone dresses for the night’s game. They’re playing the number one team in the division, and everyone is on edge except for Jaehyun. Fuck him for being so emotionally unattached. 

“Why, so you can impress that pink-haired zamboni driver?” Donghyuck scoffs, pulling on his jersey. 

“It’s not my fault he’s gorgeous. Don’t you want to impress the waterboy? I forget his name, Clark? Bark, maybe?” Jaehyun asks. 

“Fuck off, Jaehyun.” 

Johnny laughs at their exchange but his heart is racing in anticipation for the game as he laces up his skates. Jaehyun is right, they did really have to win tonight, but only because this is the last game of the regular season and the higher they’re seeded in the tournament the better. 

The coach comes in and gets everyone together. 

“Alright guys, I know you know it’s a big game tonight. We’ve talked about it before and you guys are completely capable of beating anyone if you’re playing your best. There’s a slight change to the starting lineup, and just know that it’s for the best based on how everyone has been doing this season. Forwards are Ten, Jaehyun, and Donghyuck, Defensemen are Taeil and Renjun.” 

The room is eerily silent. 

“Okay, let’s warm up,” the coach says. All of the players get up and head out to the ice, all except one. 

Johnny is heading the opposite direction, mind completely blank. He’s started every game since freshman year, and now he gets fucking cut from the starting lineup. The worst part is that he deserves it considering his subpar playing and outburst from earlier. He’s sitting on a bench right outside the locker room entrance, face in his hands. He hears someone after him and knows it’s Taeil. 

“Johnny,” he says, sitting down next to him and resting a hand on his back. 

“Taeil, you should be with the rest of the team.”

“I really don’t care about that right now,” he says quietly, “I care about you. Please tell me what’s going on.” 

“What does it look like, Taeil? I’ve started every game since I was a freshman and now I’m not in the lineup of my last regular season game. How would you feel?”

“Pretty frustrated, probably.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty fucking frustrated. I’m the best, or at least I’m supposed to be, and now I’m not. And now I don’t know what to do--I don’t have anything I can do.

“This the last regular season game of my career and I get fucking cut from first string, and I fucking deserve it because I’ve been an absolute mess this whole season. My grades suck and I’m stressed about graduation, and now the one thing I’m good at is fucked up too.

“I just, I’m so worried I’m not going to amount to anything, the end is so close and I’m going to be so lost after this season. Hockey has been my whole life, I haven’t cared about anything else for as long as I can remember. Now what am I supposed to do, I’m a fucking worthless piece of sh-” 

“Johnny, stop,” Taeil snaps, and Johnny tenses. He’s never heard Taeil raise his voice like that. “Do not say that, because that's not true. Your life and worth does not revolve around a sport. Do you not care about your family? Or your friends? I know you care about school, you study all the time, and what about me? 

“Since when do you have to be the best at everything? So what, you got replaced by a freshman for one game. It really isn’t the end of the world, I promise you.

“You don’t have to do this by yourself, Johnny. You’re not the only one going through this, and there are people who are going to be there to help you. I’m going to be there to help you,” Taeil says, “if you want me to be.” 

Johnny doesn’t know what to say and he knows that he’s crying now, tears making his hands sticky. “I would be lucky to have you there, Taeil,” is all he can manage to say. He cries for a moment and tries to take in what Taeil said, but it's hard. His head is swimming and he just needs to let it out. Taeil wraps his arms around him and Johnny clings to his warmth. 

Taeil lets him cry for a few minutes and Johnny is grateful, needing this relief. He had been holding in so much for god knows how long, he realizes, but Taeil is there to help him, he reminds himself, so it’ll be fine. 

He calms down after a moment and sniffles, wiping his nose on the back of his hand. It’s gross but he doesn’t care. “Are you good, Johnny?” 

“Yeah, I think so,” he sniffs. 

“Then let’s go, we have a game to win.” 

Johnny follows Taeil back onto the ice with his teammates, and takes in the atmosphere. Bright lights, bleachers full of fans, and his best friends all around him. He knew he wasn’t done being upset, or scared, or insecure, but for right now he was determined to let himself enjoy the moment. He feels fleeting contentedness when he sees Taeil on the ice for the faceoff, and smiles when he hears the whistle. 

Johnny smiles even bigger a few weeks later, when he’s lifting up the division cup on the ice with his teammates. Graduation is a few short months away but he’s basking in the glory of winning and Taeil is right beside him, a beautiful smile on his face.

**Author's Note:**

> i feel like the end was rushed and this kind of sucks but i hope you liked it a little bit at least ;~; i love you bee
> 
> any feedback is really really really appreciated, thank you so much for reading!


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